Dating A Divorcee

In my early twenties, I would have probably said you were crazy for dating a divorcee but my views on this topic have changed over the years. In this time and age, divorce rates are significantly high and there is a strong likelihood that most women will eventually date a man that is either separated or divorced.

Most people would discourage you to date a divorcee – one of the reasons would be that a divorcee has a lot of excess baggage. These include not just an ex-wife, but children, financial obligations, anger, guilt and grief over their failed marriage as well as they may be somewhat baffled as to what exactly they are looking for. Personally, I feel that being in a relationship with a divorcee has its advantages and disadvantages.

One of the advantages of dating a divorcee is that in many phases of our lives, we make mistakes, learn from them and try not to repeat them in the future. A divorcee is likely to have made mistakes in the past and if you are lucky, he has learned from the past and won’t make the same mistakes again with you. But bear in mind that this may not always be the case. It is best to be sure you have someone that admits to his past mistakes and wants to do better in the future. It is even better when he backs up his words with actions.

Divorcees will need some time to be sure of things and don’t be surprise if this includes you. Even after a few months after his divorce, even years – he will probably need time to think things over, to be sure if you are the one that he wants to be with. In some cases, he may even date other women to be sure. If he ends up choosing you, then that’s good but what if he doesn’t? These are all the things that YOU should be thinking about. YOU have to be sure that you want to be with him especially when you know he is confused as to what he wants. If you feel that you can accept this, then be patient and support him. But if you feel that you can’t take the heat, let him know so that you both may move on separately.

One more thing about dating a divorcee is that his ex-wife will always be part of his life especially when they have children together. That said, his children will always come first, no matter what. Always keep that in mind. This can be a delicate situation to handle especially for women who have never been married or/and had children. It can be easy if you have nieces or nephews that you get along with – I’m lucky since I have 3 adorable nieces and 1 handsome nephew. The advantage of this is that you get to see what it’s like to be around him and his kids, or be part of a family.

If children are involved you need to ask yourself if you are capable of handling the situation. Don’t be bossy with them or try to hard to be liked by them. Small children are a good judge of character – they will like you if you are honest and yourself. They can also tell if you are trying too hard or pretending to like them.

With children involved, the presence of his ex-wife is to be expected. It’s pretty much a package deal and you must have the confidence in yourself on how to deal with such situation. The least of your worries should be if the ex has a better body, making more money than you or the children prefer to be with her more than you (which is normal since she is their birth mother!). It isn’t a walk in the park, I can assure you that. I have met my boyfriend’s ex-wife and she has been nothing but polite and friendly so I can’t complain. To be honest, she seems like a nice lady. For argument sake, if she was not friendly – there is nothing I can do about it because she is part of his reality that I cannot change.

Some divorcees, if not all of them are perhaps cynical when it comes to marriage. So if marriage is something that you want out of a relationship, then you might want to re-think about dating a divorcee on a permanent basis. More often than not, they do not want to get married again due to their past experience(s). However, if you make each other very happy and have a better partnership then you might just end up being husband and wife. Also, having more children in the future may not be in the picture too especially if your divorced men are in his late 30s or 40s. These are the things you have to really think about and be really sure that you would be okay with because in the future, these may cause resentment towards him.

One more telling sign when it comes to identifying how serious he is with you – if you are together for a few months and you have yet to be introduced to his friends, children, parents/relatives, his ex-wife – it may be safe to assume that he is not sure what type of commitment he is prepared to make.

Being in a relationship with a divorcee means you’ve got to have a lot of PATIENCE. You need to be very, very patient! I have no idea where I got all the patience right now because back then, I’m the least patient in my family!

A marriage institution is among the hardest institutions to maintain, or else why do you think divorce cases have increased to unparalleled levels in these days? Like any relationship, there is a need to find a common ground between you and your man. The most important thing you can do for yourself before embarking on a journey of dating a divorcee is to be sure of yourself, settle and agree on all anxiety before committing yourself.