I was asked to write a piece on this topic and please be informed my point of view on this topic is strictly from my experience.
Most people find it absurd that ex-es can remain friends after the break up. Now, personally I feel that if you came out of a divorce and have children then you have no choice but to be friendly with each other for the sake of the children (or am I wrong here?). I know a friend of mine that are not friendly with her ex-husband at all after the divorce. The children are mostly sent to the respective house by their respective drivers and when they attend school functions, they sit at the opposite end of each other. Nice hey (please note the sarcasm)?
I think that’s sad because they are not showing a good example to their children. I think that’s the most important thing – to think about your children (especially if they are still very young) and to always remember that they observe their surroundings and most of the time; they imitate the behaviour of their parents or the adults around them. My late mother used to tell me that I only take the bad out of my observations – an example: my father is a temperamental man and I took it after him ‘grin’ and no, I’m not proud it. So, it’s important to show positive mannerism to your children.
From experience, I have only stayed friends with one of my ex-boyfriends. The only ex that was worth the label ‘friend’. We remained friends for a long time and we liked to kid about how we are both “wingman” for one another. Throughout my current relationship, he had been there for me – he was supportive of my decision and as far as I know he has always been genuinely happy for me. However, it was mostly the girls on his side that didn’t quite like the idea of us being friends. When I think back, it was easy back then because I didn’t love him to the fullest.
I know most people have not been able to stay friends with their ex-es afterwards. I think the reason behind this is that you may relive the moments you have shared and reminisce the good times you have gone through together so that makes it hard for you to move on (especially for those who were dumped [sorry for the lack of a better word]).
If you know your boundaries and have respect for your ex-partner then I think it’s possible to remain friends. What I mean by respect is if he or she has a new partner – the best is to be happy for him or her and move on. After all, isn’t the best retribution (IF THAT is what you are going for) is to show him or her how happy you are in your new/current relationship?
That said – have you ever remained friends with your ex(es)? Share your experience on this topic!
Hi Asian Belle
ReplyDeleteI'm just speaking now from my own experience with my ex and everything we went through. I don't think it is possible for me to be friends with my ex, ever!!. Once someone cheated on you and betrayed your trust so many times, there is just no way that I would ever be able to trust him, not even as a friend. I think if like you said, there are children involved, for their sake you have to be civil with your ex, but trust me, whenever you see him, he reminds you of the fact that you were never good enough for him and that he humiliated you in front of friends and family and that would take a long time to forgive but one never forgets. I think it would be easier to stay friends if the divorce was a mutual decision and you can still trust your ex, because what is friendship without trust and respect for each other.
I guess that is just my opinion but my answer would be a big fat NO, I could never be friends with my ex, in fact if I could change the fact that he is the father of my child, I would do it in a heartbeat since he was also a bad example for my son as too how a man should treat a woman. Nice article.....Iza
Good morning, Iza!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. Yeap, I think it differs from one person to another. Like I said, it was easier for me as I wasn't married to my ex and we were really good friends after the break up.
Women (some of them, perhaps), I believe are able to forgive (eventually) but they hardly ever forget what has been done to them. So it's a fat chance if men are hoping for that - hehe.